I'm a really bitter person.

I'm really bitter because I don't feel like many of my friends who I used to spend tons of time with in Chi Alpha actually want to be friends with me. I feel this way because they don't make any effort to spend time with me. I'm really bitter that there are only 2 people in Chi Alpha who I feel I can really call friends anymore (Josh and Josh) by that measurement of effort to spend time. Everyone else is too busy or has other plans when I invite them to hang out. Some of them don't even reply to my texts.

I'm really bitter because two of my past girlfriends broke up with me when I still feel like we could have worked out. To this day I don't understand why they didn't try to work through hard stuff and am bitter that they didn't try like married people have to do (because that was the explicit goal of both relationships: become married people). Melinda's proven me right that the things they've ended over can be worked through - I have encountered every problem I had with these two with her. Look who's in a 7 month relationship that is more healthy than it's ever been, and look who's not. Melinda is amazing. It's all Melinda.

I'm really bitter that Dr. G only talks to me about music and not about neuroscience as if he thinks topics are over my head. Maybe they are? But I don't feel like the ones I'm bringing up are. But he always redirects the conversation to music. Not that I don't like music. I want to learn from him because he is a big deal in his field, and he is close and talks about neuroscience with my friends who are also in the lab and club and his classes.

I'm really bitter that my parents and I don't get along. No matter how hard I try to meet them in the middle, as my mom put it "I'm not going to change who I am to make you happy". I honestly want to move west, stay there, get married and disappear. I'm tired of always clashing with my mom. I wonder if I'm old enough yet to be able to maturely say "I don't want you to be a part of my life anymore."?



I need to get over it all. I'm making new friends. The people who really matter will come after me. Melinda is fantastic, and better than any woman I've ever dated, and better than anyone who may walk through the doors of Pun Manor (the name we've given to the house I live in). I'm getting close to moving to the next stage of life, so I'm sure I'll find much better, more mature friends. In fact, I realized recently that the only people in Chi Alpha who spend time with me anymore are people who are older than me. I'm old! Everyone's younger than me! my friends who DO spend time with me now are my age and older (Neuroscience and Fencing people, some from DnD, and Zach and Jordan's friends).

I wish I could have hung on to a couple more friends from XA. More than the ones who are graduated and the two who still regularly spend time with me.

As for my mom... It's just impetus to keep growing up and moving on towards adulthood and being independent. The more I can provide for myself, the less I have to come to her for. It's a transition that I've delayed for a pretty long time. Time to grow up and move on.

Hey that reminds me of a song...



Like my mom, I see Dr. G as a challenge to make myself noticeable and prove to him that I am capable of just as much as his graduate students and his favorite poster-child undergraduate(s). I have really slacked off the last few quarters. I don't go out seeking info out of curiosity like I used to. I don't read anymore. I hardly put any effort into my classes. He's challenging me to wow him with everything I've got. and I need to give it to him if I want to do anything Neuroscience related in my future.



hmm. That's all for now.

This came from @MiaJoyTheWriter



Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
“”You have a head on your shoulders when you choose to use-…“”

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what can you touch?
The end of my desk in my room.

Before you started this survey, what were you doing?
Eating granola, oat meal, and yogurt, facebooking and xanga-ing

What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Futurama! Making my way through, I’m in Season 4 Episode 1!

Without looking, guess what time it is
11:45 pm.
Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
11:40 pm.

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
My house mate and the girl he likes playing Super Mario on N64

When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About half an hour ago. I was on my way home from the Chi Alpha house, stopped in Safeway to buy breakfast foods, and finished the walk home.

Did you dream last night?
Not really sure, but if I did, It had something to do with Melinda. ;P *corny*

Do you remember your dreams?
Nope. Not sure what happened even in the one last night, just know I woke up thinking about Melinda. Probably also because she texted me at 4am and I remember barely waking up enough to read the text – as in, I was asleep, but I wasn’t. Maybe I dreamed about her after that brief time reading her text?

When did you last laugh?
At the Chi Alpha house a while ago.

Do you remember why/at what?
Karl and Andrew were talking about Drum Core, and how Andrew once bet that 11 people would pass out during a practice in 120 degree weather. They made it through with 10 people passing out before the end of practice. At the last set, on the last note, HE was the 11th person.

What is on the walls of the room you are in?
A picture my friend drew, an artistic blue/red/yellow/black bird kite, a Hobbit movie poster, a poster with a picture of a lightning storm at Kitt Peak National Observatory in Tuscon, a clock, some mirrors, and my hat. Oh, and a bow (archery).

Seen anything weird lately?
Idk… I don’t think I know what weird is anymore these days.

What do you think of this quiz?
It’s ok.

What is the last film you saw?
The Hobbit

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
Kirkland, Washington. OR Montreal, Quebec

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A vineyard, ALL the Magic the Gathering cards, a 30 30 rifle, a decent car (which is not too fancy – not super expensive or anything), and a mid-sized (again, comfy, but not very big, fancy, or expensive) house in Kirkland, WA.

Tell me something about you that most people don't know.
I’m most afraid of the people who interest me the most.

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Barter system. Trade goods and services rather than use money. Also, better distribution of resources.

Do you like to dance?
It’s not really my thing.

Would you ever consider living abroad?
I really hope that I get to.

Does your name make any interesting anagrams?
My first initials are BM (bowel movement). Also, both my first and last name have the word “and” in the middle.

Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
Lynn. She was visiting Ellensburg, and wanted to meet up. Sadly, it never happened.

What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
I… updated real player….. if that counts? Or… I downloaded some games from Steam….

Last time you swam in a pool?
Summer maybe? No? idk. Last year?

Type of music you like most?
The Sound of Animals Fighting. Haha, just kidding. It’s a band that I only sometimes listen to – I just
thought it would be funny to say “I like to listen to the sound of animals fighting”….
In all seriousness, I like Indie-Folk and Symphonic Metal the best. They’re pretty tied.

Type of music you dislike most?
I still can’t get into most “mainstream” music. Basically stuff you hear at parties or pretty much everywhere. Maybe I just go to the wrong parties??

Are you listening to music right now?
Yes. I’ve been listening to Zero-7 a bit lately. …. Spotify….

What color is your bedroom carpet?
Cheap carpet generic brownish tan

If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
Let’s just nix the Utilities bill………… and add a couple more rooms. And Melinda.

What was the last thing you bought?
Granola, Milk, Yogurt, sandwich meat (peppered beef or something like that…..)

Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
Not in a long time

Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Idk………. I really want to, but I really don’t.

Do you have a garden?
Nope…. Not really, anyway.

Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Yes. After performing it hundreds of times, you kinda get it.

What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
GAAHH!!! How much did I oversleep this time?!

If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
Will Smith

Who sent the last text message you received?
MELINDA!!! :D She was talking about jobs to get so she can move out of her parents’ house and we can see each other more.

Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Well I wouldn't choose to max out my credit card….. x_x
I could definitely spend a lot of money at any grocery store, any book store, any wine place, any game/comic/collectables shop, or any music store.

What time is bed time?
Usually 12, but 3am is the absolute bed time unless something really good gives reason.

Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
No.

How many tattoos do you have?
Zero.
If you don't have any, have you ever thought of getting one?
Yes, and I don’t want one. Don’t know what I’d get.

What did you do for your last birthday?
Went to The Tav with some friends and had some really excellent beer and burgers.

Do you carry a donor card?
idk

Who was the last person you ate dinner with?
Myself. Actually, I don’t really do meals… I just kinda eat when hungry….

Is the glass half empty or half full?
Depends how it got to its present state: was it emptied or filled?

What's the farthest-away place you've been?
Italy…. Rome, Venice, Florence, Pompeii, Pisa…

When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
This summer?

Have you ever won a trophy?
Idk…? Define “trophy”? I took a bullet shell home after shooting guns today.

Are you a good cook?
Meh. I’m ok. I know my way around, but I stopped trying when the girl I was trying to impress with cooking skillz was all “hurrr durr I don’t actually like you even though I said I did”…..

Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Yes.

If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?
My wife.

Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?
Band uniforms…………………………………………..

Do you touch-type?
Kinda sorta not really… I fake touch-type… as in not how they taught me in school.

What's under your bed?
Box, suitcase, clarinet case (with clarinet), tubs with clothes.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
What is love? (baby don’t hurt me)

Think fast, what do you like right now?
Melinda. I couldn’t ask to be in a better relationship. I’ve never been this happy with anyone else. It’s like she’s my best friend, but my girlfriend as well. I love it – every minute of it.

Where were you on Valentine's day?
Idk…. I feel like I might have taken Sarah on a date……

What time do you get up?
When I wake up….. NOT 4:30 – 5:00 am anymore!!!

What was the name of your first pet?
Martin, the goldfish, I think.

Who is the second to last person to call you?
Bahahahaaaa… my advisor, Dr. Fallshore… x_x

Is there anything going on this weekend?
Nope.

How are you feeling right now?
Bored.

What do you think about the most?
Life… the different ways people do life. Some do it with a deity. Some do it with Cannabis. Some do it with gratuitous amounts of sex. Some do it with a best friend. Is there a “best” way to do it?

If you had A Big Win in the Lottery, how long would you wait to tell people?
Long enough that it would be entertaining… so I get over the excitement, and then can casually be like “oh yeah, so that happened…”

Who would you tell first?
Idk.

What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema?
The Hobbit

Do you sing in the shower?
Occasionally

What do you do most when you are bored?
Complain about how bored I am

What do you do for a living?
I’m still a student….

Do you love your job?
I work for distance education at my university… it’s not loveable, but I don’t dislike it….

What did you want to be when you grew up?
Scientist. What do you know? I’m a psychologist…

If you could have any job, what would you want to do/be?
Engineer, or medical neuroscientist (but not neurosurgeon)

Which came first the chicken or the egg?
idk

How many keys on your key ring?
3 and 4 (I have 2 – one for houses, one for rooms in buildings around campus)

Where would you retire to?
Norway

What kind of car do you drive?
I don't own one.

What are your best physical features?
I like my eyebrows, and I’ve had a couple girlfriends comment on them.

What are your best characteristics?
I won’t pee on the carpet.

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
Italy, or Denmark

What kind of books do you like to read?
Idk…. Fantasy, scifi, some classics… what ever reads well.

What is your favorite time of the day?
Evening. SOMETIMES the super early morning after sleeping.

Where did you grow up?
Washington State

How far away from your birthplace do you live now?
Two states north… I think it’s like 15-20 hrs or more by car, and last I knew it was 3 hrs by plane

What are you reading now?
Books wise, I’ve been back and forth between Eye of the World, and The Silmarillion.

Are you a morning person or a night owl?
I CAN be both.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
Nope. I think it’s Melinda who teases me about this. Idk why.

Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?
Yes. Are there people who can't do that?

Do you have pets?
Nope

How many rings before you answer the phone?
Idk

What is your best childhood memory?
Lunch Recess in 6th Grade with Jessie, Brad, larMonet, Cameron, and Max… and maybe Laura???? Idk.

What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life?
Paper boy, custodian helper, Alt Text Technician (waaay less cool than it sounds), Distance Education Operator.

Any new and exciting things that you would like to share?
MELINDA IS AMAZING.

What is most important in life?
Eating your green vegetables.

What Inspires You?
Apricots. They're so amazing. I love how happy they make people.